[MitS] 026 - Amica Temporis Part I

[note: This is the continuing ever evolving arc for Rose and the Doctor. This is a completed 49 tag challenge that I've converted to two pieces to post up for posterity in Rose's journal. It follows the events directly after the return to the TARDIS from Gallifrey after Dean dies. This is clearly hours later. Much, much love and adoration go to Rude-not-Ginger for all the tireless efforts!]


May 19th, 2008 ~ 02:23:42 hours

He couldn't sleep, of course. It wasn't as if he'd truly tried. He'd stripped off his clothes, showered, shaved, puttered about in his jim-jams, but never really found his way to his own bed. His arm didn't hurt nearly so bad anymore, but he couldn't seem to stop his stomach from aching. Too much had gone on. His room felt far too empty.

As with most nights, he wandered the TARDIS alone. Rose slept a ridiculous amount of time and there was always so much to do. Still, tonight he just put the kettle on and made some tea and watched it get cold without drinking any. He wished that he could've saved Rose's friend. His friend, in some ways. He felt as if he'd failed. And he worried about Rose. She looked heartbroken and that made failure worse. His failure hurt her. He should've just focused on the fact that he FAILED and that should've been enough, but it made it that much worse. Just a little bit more to push it over the edge into unbearable.

He left the mug of tea on the table and walked around a little more, felt the TARDIS vibrate beneath his feet. He wandered a few more corridors, eventually finding himself at Rose's door. The TARDIS must've been worried about her, he most certainly wasn't walking in the direction of the bedrooms. Was he? No, no, he wasn't.

She was probably sleeping. It wouldn't hurt to check on her, would it? He gently turned the knob on her door and pressed it open, just a little.

( It wasn't as if she wanted to sleep at all... )

[MitS] 026 - Amica Temporis Part II

[continued from here]

Wound up in the stillness of the room Rose found herself focused on the slow circle being traced upon her back. Light and steady, almost never straying too far from the original pattern she allowed herself to slip away for a moment to just get lost in that touch. Wanting to shift again she yearned for more closeness than what she already had. Knowing that to move once more, to get herself nearly atop him would actually be too much for her kept that want at bay. Most of her life she'd felt restrained, and then he came along and opened the doors so wide open that she feared she might simply tumble out them into the black of nothing. He never would though, even when she'd left... even when she was on the other side of existence she knew he was still out there if only in her name, it was still her name being said.

Now the blackness was back at her front step and taking things that were dear to her, and she wanted to slip into it along with them. She wasn't even sure if that was the right response to it either. Such loss already in her life that by now it should be easier. Letting go, moving on, they should almost be a natural part of how she exists. Instead it burns into her soul and nearly chokes the air from her. So this is the need she has in her now. The need to be held onto, the need to not be let go, or left behind clings to her. But he still does, and she knows that forever isn't a real word for her, but it is for him.

( When he speaks her eyes are still closed and she can feel the vibration of her name... )