[CT] 11.3 - Never forget.

[banished_dame]

Danny Ocean: Does he make you laugh?
Tess Ocean: He doesn't make me cry.

"I'm not even sure how to react to him most days. No... Most days are just like any other. I mean what you think we save a life every day out there? I'd never have a single moment to myself let alone to think if we did that. Saving people isn't a daily occurrence no. But it's the times between the adventures that might just be the hardest ones because there is nothing to keep us busy. It's the long days of me padding around the halls of the TARDIS not really sure if I've been down a certain way before or not. That's the easy part. It's when you add him into it that it becomes... unique I guess is the right word for it." Rose lets her leg curl up against her chest her new pink shoes with bright white rubber don't have the light scuffs just yet. Her hand can cup beneath the rubber sole and hold her foot in place without worrying that there might be some random slime that'd dried there now flaking off onto her palm.

Chewing a small piece of dry skin off her bottom lip she thinks about it again, and the night before. Her other hand shifts the recorder, knowing that she should write it out, but not trusting her own handwriting at the moment, not even trusting herself either. They had fought.

They never fight.

Not like that at least.

"I would've left. I'm pretty sure of it." She says it out loud and she realizes just then why she's saying this instead of writing this. Out loud makes it real. It makes it something she can't take back because as she's just learned... hearing it out loud makes it so much more real.

"It wasn't easy either, but it was harder to take back. I want to think that I would've left too, but instead I cried. I mean I just broke down, and I didn't want to be that girl. God, I've done everything to not be that girl. I've fought an army of Daleks and-"

Pressing her fingertip to the corner of her eye she tries to rid herself of the itch that she still feels a bit, all the crying, all the emotion seems to have taken it's toll on her. "It doesn't matter what I've done I guess. I just wanted to do something for once, and instead he would've let me go. I mean I'm not leaving. I didn't come all this way just to get dropped off at the next stop. I mean I'm not just a 'til the next stop girl' am I? I mean..."

Her hand relaxes the small recorder feeling heavier for a moment as she picks her arm up to rest atop her knee, her foot still hanging on the edge of the chair where her hand left it moments before.

"I'm not the drop off next time girl. I mean, I almost think he wanted to tell me.. well I think he wants to tell me a lot of things. He's always talking and I've got to imagine his head is all sorts of-" Her words stop just then. Because she recalls what he offered to her. To see who he was, and maybe she should've said yes. Maybe the answers to all the things he'd never say to her are there locked away in the places he can't tell her about but he can show her.

"Anyway we fought and he was so mad, mad at me, and I wasn't even really sure he'd ever be that way. But well found that out right then an'there. But even through the tears and everything I knew I still cared, I mean cared about him."

"I love him. I know I do, God I know I've loved him... and I've said the words once. One time and that was pushed to the point where I thought I'd never see him again. Now he's here and I'm here and I can't even make it through a fight without breaking down the moment I realize he'll actually just let me go to keep me safe. But in the end... even after all the tears and the sobbing uncontrollably, God I must've looked a mess. But he still makes me laugh. I mean, not just brushing it off to talk about something else kind of laugh either. It's not the jokes most times... it's the smile."

"Not that I laugh at his smile either, I mean. Well that sounds horrible. Might've looked better written yeah? But still, I know when the smile is there just for making it different. I mean we all have those looks where we want you to believe it's okay. Mum had one that was clenched teeth and nodding as if her head would wobble off. But if he wants you to smile... there's no way you can't when he smiles at you. Anyway... I might not really understand most things he says, and I've cried more times than I'd care to even count because of him, but I'll never forget the way he makes me laugh. Never."

Her foot drops from the edge of her chair as she glances to her watch, "Rose Tyler on board the TARDIS, the time for me should be two thousand eight years four months and thirty days. We've just passed The Sunfields of Stuuran. It's painted the skies in streaks of gold and pinks... and you know what? Space isn't so black out here."